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Pizza Punks is a step up from MOD, but despite the “anarchy,” the menu reads like a dictionary of generic buzzwords. The drinks are spot on but there’s no chance to sample candied bacon creme brûlée because she’s late for a train - and by now, it’s well past bedtime. A garden salad (£3) is all julienned carrot and raw onion. She buys the paragraph about the pasta being handmade daily but the sauce seems suspiciously re-heated - and needed longer.
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Her own concoction of rigatoni with peppers, basil, tomatoes, plus lemon and herb chicken. There’s a red chilli symbol next to its listing on the menu but it doesn’t taste of anything at all. Tiny tubes of ziti cling together in an oval skillet of cheddar and mascarpone glue. Raising the temperature of the mac and cheese (£5) wouldn’t do much to improve its flavour.
They sit, ready, for twenty minutes, the staff in a frenzy of confusion over checks and table numbers. I watch as our starters are prepared on the marble bar around the giant angular pizza oven. Despite the rush for our order, it’s well over an hour before anything arrives. If only the food moved at the pace of the team. A blend of “kick-ass playlists” and “Hell-Yeah Hospitality”. In fact, the website describes this as all part of the “punk vibes”. Then, a series of seven staff members ask us what we’d like before we get the chance to read the menu, or actually say hello to each other. The waiter plays the old “we’ll try to squeeze you in” card. We enter without a booking to a half-full restaurant.
However, whereas MOD, short for Made On Demand, promised fast and hot, Pizza Punks appears to specialise in slow and cold. Both restaurants bandy around the word artisan, both sell individuality in a carbon copy environment (I ’m pretty sure you can create your own masterpiece at Pizza Hut).
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One set price for as many toppings as you like? Maybe this actually is MOD reincarnated. Pizza Punks’ “unique dining experience…giving power to the people” also seems familiar. We stick the finger up to the corporate chains run by money men by putting people and products before profit.” It’s a little ironic given the blurb online: “We love challenging ‘the norm’ with our anarchist and anti-establishment outlook. With a new Thai bar and music concept, and two more sites opening soon in Manchester and Bristol, Pizza Punks is reportedly set to turnover £5 million this year. This is the fourth UK outlet from Glaswegian entrepreneur and former owner of the Bar Soba Group, Brad Stevens. At first glance, it’s the same soulless chain with aggressive neon signage, promising authentic dough and gourmet ingredients.
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